


The Day Sollux Captor Somehow Convinced His Friends He Wasn't Actually Gay

by Toki_Blade



Category: Homestuck
Genre: All boy's school, Canada, Crossdressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-06-14
Packaged: 2017-12-14 22:36:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/842153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toki_Blade/pseuds/Toki_Blade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The drinking age in Quebec is 18.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day Sollux Captor Somehow Convinced His Friends He Wasn't Actually Gay

**Author's Note:**

> Joint project. 
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> I’m not sorry.
> 
> ~toki

Sollux Captor wasn’t “bad” per se.  He just needed a little “guidance”.

Which was why his dad felt the need to send him to a boarding school.

In Canada.  Quebec, to be precise.  

An ‘All Boys’ boarding school.

In Canada.

Which was completely unfair and unnecessary and Sollux was sure was some form of cruel and unusual punishment.

Which was illegal.

In the United States.

Sollux had lost the will to live for the moment, and was lying on his back with his head hanging off the bed, moaning in despair.

There was nothing to do.

It was Friday afternoon. All classes had since ended.  Sollux was slowly dying a painful death.

There were a lot of things Solllux could deal with.  His stupid friends, his stupid roommate, his stupid _beyond all stupidity_  father.   _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ (Sollux liked to say stupid, since he could now after working on his speech impediment for a while.  A long, painful while.  He doesn’t like to talk about it.  Look, another thing he had been capable of dealing with!)  Being in an all boys boarding school in Canada he could almost deal with, if not for one thing.  One tinsy, tiny, little thing that was eating him from the inside out.

Computers weren’t allowed at this school.

Not just computers.  Cell phones, tablets, mp3 players.  Apparently all electronics were possessed by the devil or something equally stupid. (The headmaster was insane, Sollux was sure of it.)  So Sollux was stuck in this hell hole of a school in his _stupid_ room, contemplating the futility of absolutely everything.

That was when his roommate walked in and, as if he could read Sollux’s mind, said, “Suck it _up_ , Sol.”

Sollux rolled over, pressing his face into the mattress, and complained, “What if I don’t want to suck it up?  Maybe I’ll let it drip all over, cover the floor, soak into the carpet and leave a stain.  That carpet will never be the same again.  It’ll just seep in and smell for weeks.  You’ll think something died there.”  Oh god he sounded like KK.  That wasn’t okay on any level.  Was this what Karkat felt like all the time?  Wow, that explained a lot.

Eridan Ampora rolled his eyes and decided not to grace that with a response. He walked over to his side of the room, picked up a book (he read?) and plopped down on his bed.

Sollus glared and turned over in a huff.

Sollux hated Eridan so much. From his stupid hipster clothing to his _stupid_ purple bangs. He was an asshole, he was full of himself, and he always gave Sollux grief about _everything_. Also his accent was stupid and Sollux hated it.

As far as people at this school went, though, Eridan wasn’t half bad.

Eridan was originally from the UK or something, but as soon as he was old enough, his father shipped him off to an all boys school in Canada. It just so happened that Eridan’s father was also dean of said school.  The one who banned the electronics.

The one who ran an all boys school.

Seriously, who did that?

Sollux didn’t even know what a girl looked like anymore.

What _did_ a girl look like?

Sollux’s stomach sunk. Oh man. _Oh man_. What did a girl look like!? Why couldn’t he remember?

They were _brainwashing him_.

Electronics were possessed and girls didn’t exist. What was the world coming to?

Sollux rolled over to face Eridan, his eyes wide. “ED,” he said, “ED, _Eridan_.”

Eridan rolled his eyes but glanced over at him, “ _What_ , Sol.”

“Eridan, what do girls look like?”

Eridan didn’t look amused, “Sol, _honestly_ I don’t have time fer-”

“No. Eridan. I’m being serious here. What do girls look like? What do they smell like? What do they feel like? Hell, what do they _taste_ like. I cannot for the _life_ of me think of what a girl looks like.”

Eridan’s mouth opened, and then closed, and Sollux felt that he much resembled a fish out of water.

He ended up shrugging. “I’m not sure what you’re wantin’ me to tell you Sol. But it’s not like you’ll be seein’ one around here any time soon.”

Sollux sighed and rolled to his back, staring at the ceiling. “Yeah, not unless-” He cut himself off. No. _No_. He was _not_ going there. It just wasn’t happening. Besides, if he ever brought it up Eridan wouldn’t let him live it down for _weeks_.

Eridan laughed, “Yeah, it’s not like we can just-” he stopped, his face turning red. He looked swiftly back down at his book.

Sollux sat up. “What was that ED?”

His roommate shook his head. “It was nothin’, Sol. Just drop it.”

“No, no _way_. What the fuck were you about to say?”

Eridan shifted. “You’ll laugh.”

Sollux rolled his eyes, “I won’t fucking laugh, now just tell me what you were going to say.”

Biting the side of his cheek Eridan glanced over at him, “Promise?” he asked.

“Yes, I fucking promise, now would you just _tell_ me?”

“Well, I mean.” Eridan stumbled over his words, “if we like, I dunno, dressed like, you know, uh, girls or somethin’, iono, it was stupid. Just, uh, fuck. Nevermind.”

“Eridan. Do I look like I’m laughing?”

Eridan stared over at Sollux. “Wait, you mean- I mean, do you, do you _want_ to?”

Sollux shrugged, “Never said that.”

Eridan’s eyes were almost sparkling now. “You never said that you didn’t either.”

Sollux shrugged.

“Well I mean, would you want to?” Eridan sounded almost hopeful.

“I wouldn’t be,” Sollux shifted, “ _completely_ against the idea. But I mean, where would we get things to wear?”

The way Eridan jumped up with determination in his eyes made Sollux’s blood race with something akin to fear and excitement at the same time. He went over to his closet and pulled out a suitcase.

Sollux stood up quickly and made his way over to his roommate. “What. The. Fuck.” Eridan had opened the black bag. Inside were neatly placed and folded _girl’s_ _clothes_. Sollux turned to Eridan with wide eyes.

He rubbed his arm and actually looked _proud_ of himself. “Do you remember me talkin’ about my cousin Fef?”

“You mean the one you wanted marry when you were like, five or something?”

Eridan flushed and glared over at Sollux, “Yeah, that one.”

Sollux turned back to the suit case. “What’s she have to do with this?”

“Most a them are hers.”

“Okay, but why do _you_ have them?”

Eridan waved him off, “You’re so full a questions Sol, do you wanna do this thing or not?”

Sollux did in fact want to do this.

They both picked out a few items and went to opposite sides of the room. They stared at eachother for a moment before Eridan quickly moved to the bathroom.

Well then.

Sollux stared down at the articles of clothing he had obtained. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to do this.

A few of them were a little hard to figure out, but Sollux was _pretty_ sure he got them on right.

“A-are you dressed?” Called Eridan from behind the bathroom door.

“Yeah.” Sollux answered shakily. “I’m dressed. You?”

“... Yeah. I am.”

The door stayed closed.

Sollux rolled his eyes, “Well, are you going to come out or not?”

“Not.” Eridan answered. “Definitely not.”

“Come _on_ Eridan, don’t wimp out on me here. You’re making me feel stupid.”

Eridan let out an exasperated sigh, “Well, I guess if you’re doin’ it too...” The door opened and Eridan walked out.

Well.

Sollux glanced him up and down.

Well.

“ED.” He said, “You are not _seriously_ wearing purple with plaid, it just doesn’t work like that.”

Eridan stared at him, flabbergasted. “Sol. Obviously you’re not lookin’ at the same outfit I am, because this is fucking _adorable_.”

“Eridan. It’s not fashionable in _any_ sense of the word. _Honestly_ what have you been _reading_ because that is _not_ -” he stopped and dropped his head into his hands. “Eridan. We are _not_ having a conversation about clothes. _Please_ tell me that we’re not having a conversation about fucking _clothing_.”

Eridan dropped his head and stared at the carpet in defeat. “I think we are.”

Sollux groaned in disgust, “God, is this what crossdressing feels like?” he fell on his bed.

They spent the next few moment in self despair mostly hating the world and themselves and eachother.

“You wanna go out to a bar or somethin’?” Eridan was still staring at the ground when Sollux glanced over at him.

Sollux looked away. “Yeah, sure. How would we get out?”

“We could steal my father’s car.”

“... Yeah, okay. Lets go.”

This was such a wonderful idea, Sollux just could not get over how wonderful it was.

-

This was a terrible idea and they never should have done it.

It had finally occurred to Sollux just how drastically _little_ he was wearing.  It was alright for ED,  he had actual _clothes_ and whatnot, even if he was in a skirt.  Sollux was wearing the shortest shorts he had ever physically seen in his life, as well as some kind of yellow _bra_ thing.  The only thing he actually had covered were his calves, because he had on striped knee high socks and enormous black boots.  The fingerless gloves and little bow choker had seemed cool at the time, but now they felt tacky and out of place and made him look like a hooker or something, and he was just _not_ that kind of gi-

Oh man.   _Oh man_.  He was _way_ too deep in this thing now.

“Sol, are you comin’ or not?”  Eridan was outside of the car, one hand on the doorway and the other on his hip as he leaned in towards Sollux.  He had obstinately refused to change out of the godawful Scottish-looking skirt he’d found, and his black boots were even taller than Sollux’s.  He was wearing a turtleneck shirt with two purple zigzagged lines on the front.  He also had these weird arm things that started just above his elbows and stretched down to almost cover his hands with stripes of the same color, which just so happened to also match the streak of purple in his bangs.  Both of them had combed down their hair vigorously until it looked like they had pixie cuts of some kind, but Eridan had also found some hair extensions that he had pinned to the back of his head to look like high pigtails.  “I am _not_ goin’ in there without you.”

Sollux gripped his seat.  “Well I’m not going in there at all.  We look like, like...”  Sollux was unable to think of something that the two of them must look like, but he knew whatever it was wasn’t sane.  What they probably looked like was a couple of guys dressed like skanky girls.  “This wath thtupid.” Sollux flinched at hearing his lisp come back the way it did when he was nervous.  He enunciated more carefully.  “We need to go back now and forget this ever happened.”

There was a pause for a moment, then Eridan put both of his hands on the seat besides Sollux.  He leaned in, looked Sollux full in the face, and said, “Sol, if we don’t do this now, we are goin’ to regret it for the rest of our lives.”

Sollux stared at him, stunned, then realized he was right.  He just _was_.  They had come this far, and now this had to happen.  Before he could second guess himself, he pushed Eridan back and stepped out of the car.

The two of them stepped into the club together, and for a moment Sollux was blinded by the flashing lights.  Deep bass thumped through his body, and for a moment things felt _right_ , like he was home.  A second later he remembered he was a long way from home and that everything was terrible.

“Wanna go get a drink?” Eridan asked.

“Are you kidding?  That’s illegal, idiot.”

Eridan actually fucking _winked_.  “The drinking age is eighteen in Quebec.”

Sollux stared at him, then shook his head.  “No way.”

Eridan rolled his eyes.  “Well, I’m gonna go to the bar.  How’s my girl voice?” he asked, raising his pitch just slightly and changing the inflection of his words subtly.

Sollux raised his eyebrows.  “Have you been practicing that?”

“What?  No.  A course not.”  He was still using the voice.

Sollux looked at him skeptically, then said, “Well, it’s pretty fucking convincing.”

Eridan grinned.  “Great.  You should work on yours.  See you later.”  He literally flounced off.  There was no other word for it.

Eridan was _too_ good at this.

Sollux decided he was going to stop thinking about that.

So, Eridan had officially ditched him alone in a club while he was dressed like a girl.  Nothing to do now but wander around aimlessly like a tool.

Which Sollux did for about two seconds before he felt a tap on his shoulder.  He spun around to see a guy with greasy hair standing way too close to him, looking at him weirdly, and he oh god, he was going to call him out, why had he done this, he was such an _idiot_.

The guy leaned forward and put his arm on the wall behind Sollux, effectively trapping him, and _when the fuck had that wall gotten there?_

Then the guy grinned sleazily, opened his mouth (had he ever heard of toothpaste?) and asked, “Did it hurt?”

Sollux blinked.  “Uh...”

“Did it hurt?” he asked again, leaning in.

Sollux scootched back as well as he could and asked, “Did what hurt?” not liking where this was going.

“When you fell down from heaven?”

Sollux blinked.

Oh. God.

Undeterred by Sollux’s lack of reaction, the guy continued.  “Is there a mirror in your pocket?  ‘Cause I can see myself in your pants.”

Holy shit.  Holy shit.

“Your lips look lonely.  Would they like to meet mine?”

How old was this guy?   _Way_ too old to be hitting on an eighteen year old of _any_ gender.

“No,” Sollux finally said.

“Oh, com’on, let me buy you a drink.”

“ _Fuck_ no, creep, get off of me.”  Sollux gave his chest a solid push and slipped away from the wall, then sped walked off into the center of the club where he could be hidden by the crush of bodies.

Well.

That just happened.

At least now Sollux knew one very important thing.  Somehow, in the dim lights, he was pulling this off.

Sollux began to wander aimlessly around like a tool again, avoiding all walls as he went. This club was like any other club Sollux had been to before. Or at least, how he would imagine a club would be had he ever actually been to.

There were some people having sloppy makeouts against the far wall. On the dance floor people were grinding against each other in a mix of genders. There Karkat was, sulking in the corner like always. Sollux would have to make fun of him for it later. Over by the bar stools there were some- wait.

Wait wait wait. Hold on. Back up.

Karkat?

What?

Sollux wiped his head back around. There stood Karkat Vantas. Fuckass extraordinair. He stood in dark baggy clothes and was moping in a corner of the club.

What the _fuck_ was _Karkat_ doing at at _club_ in _Canada_.

It didn’t really matter at the moment. All that really mattered was getting the fuck out of there.

He absconded to the bar in search for Eridan.

Eridan was found with a fruity drink in hand, flirtatious look on his face, and waggling fingers.

“ _Eridan_.” Sollux hissed, and Eridan beamed over at him.

“Sol! ‘M _so_ glad you’re here! Sit _down_!” He grabbed Sollux’s arm and pulled him to a seat, “Those nice boys over yonder are buyin’ me drinks! ‘M _shore_ they’ll buy you some!”

“ _Eridan_.” Sollux said again, “ _No_. We have to _leave_. _Now_.”

Eridan stuck out his lower lip. “But Sol! We just got here!”

“No, Eridan, _you don’t understand_. We have to _leave_.”

Eridan rolled his eyes. “Well I ain’t leavin’. I just got here an I am aimin’ to have fun. An I am _not_ leavin’ until I have fun. So there.” He turned back to smiling at the guys down the long table.

Sollux grabbed at Eridan’s arm. “ _No_. You’re not understanding me. I saw someone that I know. We have to go.”

This seemed to grab Eridan’s attention. “Wait, what?”

“This guy from my old school, we have to go before he recognises me.”

Eridan quickly downed his drink, sent an apologetic smile down to his admirers and stood up.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

If nothing else could be said about Eridan, at the very least he was dependable.

Sollux grabbed ahold of Eridan’s wrist and started to pull him through the crowd.

He pulled him through a group of boisterous college students and into a teenage girl.

Or rather, she ran into them.

The girl rammed into Sollux's side, drink almost spilling, and grasped onto his arm, letting out a cackling giggle.

"Hehehehe! Soooorryyyy!" she slurred, "Lllost my balance a bit there, hehehe."

"It's fine." Sollux mumbled, then reached over to try and remove her hand.  When he caught sight of her face, he froze.

She was giggling again, but stopped when Sollux when stiff.

Fuck.

She tilted her head, "What's-" She stopped herself mid sentence. Fuck. She leaned forward and took a deep sniff, her face crinkled up, she stuffed her nose in Sollux's neck and breathed deeper. "Sollux?" She asked.

Fuck.

"Sollux? That is _you_ right? My nose isn't too drunk yet?"

Sollux sighed. "Yeah TZ, it's me."

Terezi simply cackled. "I _knew_ it! Oh man! _This_ is the town your dad sent you too!? That is just too awesome! Oh, wait! Karkat's here somewhere! Let me get him for you!"

"Actually, TZ, we were just leaving."

Terezi didn’t listen though, instead she waved her arms frantically and cawed like a bird.

Somehow this actually got Karkat's attention and he made his way over.

Karkat looked as grouchy as ever, his face in a perpetual frown. "What the everloving fuck do you _want_ , Terezi? Couldn't you see that I was busy?"

Terezi puffed her cheeks out, "No, I didn't see. Because I'm _blind_. _Remember_ Karkat. This is still a thing. It never actually stopped being a thing. I still can't see anything."

Karkat's hand had a very nice reunion with his face. "What do you want?" He groaned over the music.

She motioned towards Sollux. "Look who I found! Since you actually can!"

Karkat glanced over at Sollux and sighed, "I'm sorry, is she bothering you? She's not actually that bad, or that crazy, well okay. She actually is kind of that crazy, but you can sort of get over that after a while. Fuck, I'm rambling. Uh, I can get her to leave you alone if you want."

Sollux simply stared at him.

Terezi rolled her eyes, "No dumbass, it's _Sollux_. Remember him? You guys used to be best friends until like, what, eight months ago when his father decided he needed 'special help' and sent him to that school in Canada. Come _on_ Karkat, he can't have changed _that_ much."

Karkat rolled his eyes right back at her, "What the fuck do you mean it's Sol-" He cut himself off when he actually turned to look at Sollux. He froze and his eyes grew wide and alarmed, "Sollux? What the _fuck_. _Sollux_!?"

Sollux shifted uncomfortably, and rubbed at his arm, "Hi, KK."

"What the _fuck_!?"

Sollux tried to come up with something to say.   _Anything_.  Something that would make this seem maybe not quite so bad.

There was nothing.

Fortunately, though, before the silence got too bad, they were interrupted by someone else crashing into the conversation.  Unfortunately, that person was Dave Motherfucking Strider.

“Hey Karkat, Rez, who’re you talking to over here?” He glanced over at Sollux, then back to the two of them.  Then he looked back at Sollux.  And stayed looking at him.  Up and down. Dave Motherfucking Strider was checking him out. Dave smirked, and pushed Karkat away by his head. “Wow, Karkles. Hogging all the cuties to yourself?” Karkat spluttered. Dave walked a few steps before placing an arm around Sollux’s shoulders. He looked down at Sollux and Sollux could _feel_ the Axe slowly starting to suffocate him. “Well hey there.”

Sollux gawked up at him. (When the fuck had he gotten so tall!?) Terezi giggled. Karkat attempted to form coherent words, and failed.

“What’re you doing all the way over here talking to people like _Karkat_ ,” He bent down and a breath of mint and apple juice washed over Sollux, “when you could be talking to people like _me_.”

Holy _shit_. Sollux had never even _seen_ shit this holy. It must have been blessed by the Pope of Davian-coolsville. (Oh _God_ he sounded like Karkat.)

Dave Motherfucking Strider had just used his ‘husky sexy sex voice for wanting sex’ on him.

Dave was going in for the kill and Sollux was his prey.

“Seriously though,” Dave was saying when Sollux finally started listening again (when his ears started _working_ again. Oh _God_ he never wanted to hear that voice again in his life) “you don’t really want to be talking to Kitkat here. He’s dead in bed and not much better outside of it.”

Karkat had apparently started functioning again because he started to say “Oh my _God_ , Strider. Shut up! That’s-”

“Now me on the other hand,” (fuck fuck fuck what the _fuck_ was his hand doing) “I can show you a whole new world if you would just step on my magic carpet and go for a little ride.”

No one spoke for a moment after that. Apparently none of them could get around the fact that Dave had just referenced _Aladdin_ and still managed to use sexual innuendo.

Karkat recovered first. “Fuck, Dave you festering _weasel_ , that’s _Sollux_!”

Dave glanced over at Karkat, then down at Sollux who had started to inch away. He bent down further, bringing his face centimeters away from Sollux’s.

“Fuck, man. _Sollux_!?” His mouth dropped open for a moment before he stood back up and started to laugh. “ _Fuck_ , oh man. _God_  that is- _fuck_ \- that’s _priceless_  oh Christ. Oh man, I can’t, let me catch my breath.”

Sollux didn’t know if he’d ever seen Dave smile before, nonetheless _laugh_.

He ruffled Sollux’s hair, still chuckling as he wiped at his shade hidden eyes. “God that is _gold_. Man, I don’t know if it’s more or less hilarious that you can actually _pull it off_  oh man.”

He glanced down at Sollux again and winked, “So, you wanna catch a movie sometime?”

Sollux continued to stare. He had never been so horrified in his entire life.

And it only continued to get worse from there.

John had made his way over to the small group. A broad smile and dilated eyes made up his face.

“Hey guys,” he giggled, “what’s goin’ on over here?” He swayed heavily and Karkat moved to help support his wait.

“Sollux here has decided to grace us with his, or should I say _her_ , presence.” His voice was sour and he glowered over at Sollux.

John’s wide eyes blinked and then focused on Sollux as if seeing him for the first time. (Which was probably true.) “Sollux!?” He gaped.

Karkat snorted. “Yes, John, behold. The wonder that is Sollux Captor. All must view this _glorious sight_.”

John continued to blink over at Sollux. He tilted his head and scrunched up his face. “Sollux.” he said again, “I had _no idea_  that you were a _girl_.”

Karkat’s hand and his face had a violent reunion.

“I mean _wow_! I can’t believe that I never noticed before! And I mean, it’s weird! Because like, you’re hot and stuff.”

“John!” Karkat screeched with a horrified face, “for the love of _fuck_ , shut up!”

John giggled. “That rhymed.”

Karkat let out a slew of incomprehensible sounds as Dave glanced at Sollux again.

“He’s right you know.” He said.

Sollux let out an intelligent “Huh?”

“You, being hot. As a chick.” Dave smirked. “Seriously though, why _are_  you dressed like that? Blackmail or something? Or are you just that kinky?”

“I, uh.” Sollux glanced over at Eridan who just looked uncomfortable about the whole exchange. “Uh, yeah. Blackmail.” He said, and Eridan glanced up at him with frantic eyes. “I lost a bet to my _girlfriend_.”

Dave looked as shocked as a Strider can be and Eridan looked downright furious.

He knew and Sollux knew. This could be their only chance of getting out of this with both of their prides intact.

He also knew that if he didn’t play along Sollux would sell him out like the catch of the day from last month.

Dave glanced at Eridan then back to Sollux. “That your girlfriend?” He asked, motioning to the other crossdresser.

Sollux nodded, and when Dave got a second nod of confirmation let out a low whistle. “Wow man, congrats.” Dave clapped Sollux on the back and he stumbled a few steps. “Guess I owe you an apology then, huh?”

Sollux turned around and Dave was rubbing at the back of his neck.

“What?”

“Well, I mean.” Sollux had never witnessed a Strider fumbling with his words before, it was a sight to behold. “I always thought that you were gay to be honest.”

Sollux had no response.

Dave grinned. “But now I can see that you’re not. And that you’ve actually gotten yourself a pretty hot one.” He bent towards Sollux again, grabbing his head and tilting it so he could whisper in his ear. “Let me know if you two would ever be interested in a three sum.”  He winked and stood up again. “Welp. I’ve got things to do, people to see. Catch you later Sollux.” As he passed he squeezed Sollux’s ass.

Sollux swore never to interact with Dave Motherfucking Strider again for as long as he should live.

“So.” Said Karkat, and Sollux turned to him. With one arm he held up a wobbly John, and with the other he rubbed the back of his head. “You just here, um. Hanging out with your girlfriend then?”

Sollux blinked, then grabbed Eridan’s hand, ignoring the way Eridan purposefully dug his nails into his flesh. “Uh, yeah. We just, uh. Wanted to check it out. “Why are you guys here?”

Karkat shrugged then gestured to the approaching tipsy Nepeta and concerned looking Equius.

“It’s Nepeta’s birthday, so uh. She’s eighteen today. And um. Yeah.” He glanced up at Equius and quickly said “Sollux lost a bet to his _girlfriend_.”

Equius’ eyebrows shot up and he gave Sollux and Eridan both a quick once over. “I see.” He made his way over and placed a hand on Sollux’s shoulder. “I apologise for ever thinking, such lude thought about you in our previous friendship. I see now that I had nothing to worry about.” He nodded. “Good job.”

Nepeta meowed. “You’re cuuute~” She slurred, before Equius helped her off to the bathrooms.

“Well.” Said Karkat, coughing and avoiding all possible eye contact with Sollux. “I uh, I guess I should say sorry too. Um, I mean. You have a girlfriend. So, uh, good job? Um, sorry I ever doubted you buddy.” He patted Sollux’s shoulder awkward.

“Yeah!” said John, squirming away from Karkat to place both hands on Sollux’s shoulders. “I’m sorry that I never realised that you were a girl! And if you’re dating a girl, well that’s totally cool with me! I mean, it’s not what I’m into. Or, no. Wait. Actually it is. Dating girls, that is. Not the whole, homosexual thing. Because I’m not a homosexual. And I mean, you guys are cute.” He smiled for a moment before it faded. “No, wait. Together. You’re cute together. Not saying that individually you two aren't cute. Just, um. Couple? Coupling? You two make a nice coupling? Is that how you say it?”

Karkat covered John’s mouth with his hand and pulled him away from Sollux. “John, you fucking idiot, there is no way to say it because it’s not a thing to be said. Ugh.” He turned to Sollux, “Sorry, just um. We should go. Leave you two alone to, uh, hang out. Sorry for thinking that you were, um, yeah. Well, later, I guess.” He waves as he pulls John and Terezi away.

Terezi winked and cackled and Sollus had a feeling that she knew he was lying the whole time.

Sollux watched intently as his friends walked away.  First he lost sight of Dave, then John and Karkat, and finally he could only see Terezi standing off in the distance.  As soon as they were all gone, he turned to Eridan and said, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

The two of them fast walked out of the club, putting distance between themselves and further disaster.  They escaped out the front door and broke into the cool night air.

They stopped there for a second, outside the door.  Just stood there.  After a moment Sollux realized that he was _still holding Eridan’s hand_ , and holy shit just _no_.  He dropped it like hot coals.  When he glanced at Eridan he looked embarrassed.

“Well,” Eridan said, “This happened.”

“Yep.”

“It was a thing.”

“Yep.”

“Never speak of it again?”

“Sounds good.”

The two of them walked back to Eridan’s dad’s car in silence.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry.
> 
> So. There was this thing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTnYVgQ6dbY
> 
> And I mean, the outfits were just so cute, and I showed it to Toki, and then the little gears in her mind started turning, and this thing was born.
> 
> ...
> 
> I have to admit I am fond of it.
> 
> BLADE


End file.
